He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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