The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
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Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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