I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We are two peas in an std pod
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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