On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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