You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
