Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
