I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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