i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
