NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
