you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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