dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
