We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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