im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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