apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
