She said her name was "party"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
