haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
