I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
