you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
