tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
