Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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