why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
