My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
worst night to have a conscience
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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