$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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