No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
