Taylor Swift is so right about you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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