I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
