I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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