Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
