remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
