last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
