please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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