??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize