i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
