she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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