im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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