Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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