Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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