Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
