I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
