I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
