She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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