My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
