Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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