saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
