I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
