I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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