She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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