i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
