How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
