How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
