the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
