my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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