you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
