a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
