I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
