Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
