suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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