Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
