I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
