It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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