I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
