my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
