all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
