The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
