You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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