Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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