He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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