she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
