i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
