i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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