I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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